You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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