Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
