Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
