Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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