Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
