I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
