i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
