I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
