im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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