I accidentally had phone sex last night
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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