Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
