my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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