I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i believe in u and ur pee
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
