You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hippo gnu deer
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
