So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
