allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize