youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize