just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
