Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
