My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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