shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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