At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
