It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
