I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's just like the Real World with babies
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
