Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
