he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
