I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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