Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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