i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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