I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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