Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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