she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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