Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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