Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
