so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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