Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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