the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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