guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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