You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
