Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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