even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize