No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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