So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
