Plan B is the new Plan A
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
