Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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