I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
