I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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