Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
