I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
