wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He literally asked permission to hit on me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
