Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
