He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
