just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
