Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize