SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
