ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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