Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
