We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
