butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
