I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i think my cat just said my name.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
