So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
