if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
