They have a pepper shaker for pot.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
His nipple licking is glorious
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