so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
