Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
