this beer tastes like vomit already
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
