My cat gives me a boner
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize