Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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