Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
