I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize