I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I had to cum in my sink.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
