THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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