I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
