yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
