Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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