I just cut my nipple shaving
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can't turn off my feet"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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