My balls are so social today.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize