You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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