She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
