dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
