Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize