ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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