Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
